Hospice: The Lesson - Chapter 2: Choices
By Joan Morris
TIMES STAFF WRITER
Published Monday, May 21, 2001, in the Contra Costa Times Newspapers.
Orginal Link Addresses:
http://www.contracostatimes.com/health/hospice/
http://www.contracostatimes.com/health/hospice/stories/daytwo_20010521.htm

SFBAPPA.ORG Award of Excellence:
Bob Larson, Contra Costa Newspapers, "The Lesson" - Corresponding Photos.

the lesson

CHAPTER II: Choices

Prepared to die, willing to live
Diane Sheffield arranges her own funeral and cremation

By Joan Morris
TIMES STAFF WRITER

---

Over time, it became not a question of dying, but of living.

Diane Sheffield was comfortable with her decision in August 1998 to stop treatment and enter hospice, knowing that when death comes for her, it will find her at home, in her own bed, with her family at her side.

She would strive for what is known in end-of-life circles as the "good death," with her affairs in order and her pain controlled.

Within weeks of entering hospice, Diane had organized her death into manageable categories. She contacted all of her friends. She began studying different religious philosophies and exploring alternative treatments -- not seeking a cure, but looking for ways to keep herself as healthy and active as possible.

She planned her funeral, choosing the music and speakers, even the flowers she'd like on the altar.

"That was the hardest thing I've had to do. I'm going to be cremated, so we actually bought a niche," Diane says, referring to her husband Bob. "We'll be next to each other, or one on top of the other, or however it goes. But there it was. That was death, staring me right in the face. You can't get more final than that, picking out where you're going to be when you're dead."

If death had come that very day, Diane would have been sorry to go, but she would have had her bags packed. But then something amazing happened. Weeks, then months went by, and Diane didn't die.

In September 1999, about a year after entering Hospice and Palliative Care of Contra Costa, Diane's condition is stable. She is doing so well that hospice transfers her to Anna's Program, an ancillary program for women with stage four breast cancer -- a move that allows her to continue receiving counseling and support but that reduces the level of medical assistance she receives.

Diane is happy to be alive, but she faces an unusual problem. Once you're prepared to die, how do you go on with life?

Not long after she learned her cancer was terminal, an orthopedist recommended surgery for Diane's decrepit knees. Her knees are achy and swollen, a condition probably related to normal wear and tear and years of tending her garden.

The pain and stiffness tend to slow her down, but at the time, Diane opposed the operation. Knee surgery would require a hospital stay and weeks of rehabilitation -- precious time she considered better spent elsewhere.

But now, her knees are making it even more difficult to get around. Should she consider having the surgery? Has she already waited too long?

Diane also begins to wonder if she acted too quickly in stopping her cancer treatment. Her doctors had told her the disease was too advanced, and she had readily accepted their diagnosis. But they also had told her she had only months to live. Did she squander a chance for a cure?

Then came the day when Diane lost a treasured earring. The earrings, 8 mm pearls, had been an extravagant 30th anniversary gift from Bob. She and Bob went to dinner one night, and Diane noticed later the earring was missing. She called the restaurant, but no one reported finding it. The waiters searched, but it was gone, probably swept up with stray bread crumbs.

Diane considers packing the remaining earring in its gray velvet box. She's dying, she tells herself. It's not worth the expense and bother to get a replacement. It would be frivolous to spend the money.

But as she holds the box in her hand, looking at the single pearl inside, she remembers a promise she made herself when she stopped chemotherapy and decided to let nature run its course. She told herself she would make every day count. She would live until the moment she died.

There might be little of life to look forward to, but sweet Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Diane says, she won't give up, won't shortchange herself.

She loved those earrings, loved how they looked in her ears, the soft, golden luster like she'd never seen before. It makes her happy to wear them.

So what if she replaces the earring and she only wears the pair one other time? She'd be happy when she wore them. And when she died, she'd leave them to Courtney, her granddaughter.

The cost of replacing the pearl and recreating the setting is $100. With only a moment's hesitation and without telling Bob she'd lost one, Diane places the order.

It's worth every penny, Diane says. Life is worth far more than that.

Tuesday: Chapter III: A different path

Top of Page

Back to Hospice and Health Index

Back to PlanetDeb Home Page